Break Out.

The desire of getting certified(scjp) is getting me to loose at most of fronts...

First of all the high expectation that i should get 3-4 different certifications as soon as possible is wrong, and then the ground reality that i am not studying for at least 15 mins in a day,

with the mental pressure daily building up, only one sound comes from mind, i should leave all the things, aim is too high and ground reality is nothing.

Even though i build the mood and go for study, the external factors (like work at home, office, any one calls, anything... it could be just anything and the flow breaks even before it starts.)

and then when i got the time when i am alone, only frustration is left to deal with.

Being a ordinary person is OK, no probs, but why do i desire for being a person with some additional qualities, when ground reality is that i am such a .....................................
, in short nothing. Just one - two failures at school time, one-two failures at college time and seeing the way things are going, very sooner it would one-two failures in..........

Just searching for the self, i am unable to decide to which category i belong.

Never happy with office-mates, as their behavior at most of time is not same as of mine.
But also , then i am no different from them, because we have formed a group, and i am unable to isolate myself.


cant share with anyone, coz unable to decide what is to be shared / discussed.

if the person dont knows what the problem is, how can he knows the solution. ?

Are my desires wrong ?

or its just that every one aspires to be best, has got the ideas, but only few of them are able to implement them truly, and rest, same like me wander from here and there, in search of happiness, which cant be ever found. ............................

or is it that, i am given a good mind but hell like situations, in which i am just struggling and failing, coz my own thoughts, desires are not matching my work.... >????